Eponymous

by Arnold T. Rice

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about

A collection of odd pieces I've managed to collate over the last few years, ranging from the bizarre to the eloquent, from the witty to the shitty, from the hippy to the hoppy. Enjoy and/or hate it.

credits

released June 30, 2013

Cover Photo: Nick Townsend

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tags: comedy UK

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Arnold T. Rice UK

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Track Name: Writer's Block
Sitting here at my desk,
Staring at a blank page,
Better not come near me,
Unless you want blind rage

All these ideas in my head,
Diverse themes and plots twists,
Can’t seem to make sense,
Just don’t get the gist

Then I start to procrastinate,
Wasting time until late,
Tick-tock goes the clock,
I’ve got Writer’s Block...

When the words don’t flow from my mind,
Imagination scrambles to find,
Dialogue that don’t sound wrong,
Can’t even write this song,
Brooding madly, deep and sadly,
Need a caffeine fix real badly,
Brain’s in a complete lock,
‘Cause I’ve got Writer’s Block...


Suddenly the sun comes brightly,
Creative juices flowing rightly,
Then it all comes back to me,
Finally an epiphany,

Pen to paper, I’ve got no fear,
Don’t stop me; I’m on fire here,
Writing fast, wit lightening quick,
Characters deep and plot so thick,

Now I know this is my fate,
Such great things to create,
People’ll laugh and people’ll cry,
God, this thing’s gonna fly!

I’m like Shakespeare, I’m like Whedon,
Writing things so ripe for readin’,
Rowling, Dickens, Orwell too,
I can see it now, 5 Star reviews,
No more sitting, stare into space,
Soon you’ll all recognise my face,
Time for emotion, Time for fighting,
Time for subtext, Yes more writing!

I said “Yes more writing!”...
Why aren’t I writing?
Write something, write anything,
Oh, oh god, Writer’s Block again...

[Various ramblings]

Sitting here at my desk,
Staring at the torn pages,
Everything just seems so pointless,
Haven’t left the house in ages,

Look at me, pathetically,
Coffee crashed and sugar low,
Squaloring in self-pity,
Straight back to the status quo,

Act one, act two, act three, nevermind,
I’ve got a new career to go find,
Cause this ain't ever gonna get made,
I ain’t ever gonna get paid,

No use dwelling,
Despair swelling,
No best-selling,
Stories telling,

That’s it,
End of,
You know,
Don’t mock,

Looks,
Like,
I’ve,
Got,

Writer’s Block...
Track Name: Ode To The Credits
So now the film is over,
And there's names across your screen,
You want to close this browser
But now that would be obscene

It's the credits!
A time to give these guys their due,
It's the credits!
They all worked on this for you

As long as they've got a fancy font,
And a song to accompany,
What more could you possibly want?
Hey look, that one's of me!

It's the credits!
Hopefully you won't get bored,
It's the credits!
I only know these four damn chords

Special thanks and vanity plates,
Grr Argh, Mutant Enemy,
Where else would you find these traits?
Except for IMDB

It's the credits!
Keep your eyes glued to the screen,
It's the credits! Credits, credits, credits,
There might be a bonus scene!

[I am your lord and master]
[No!]

Credits...